It's hard being the family gay. When you're the first in your family to come out — meaning the active choice to live your life openly to your family, rather than pretend to be a confirmed bachelor or spinster — you have to chart new territory for both yourself and your relatives. For us 40-something Gen Xers, we did that amid a culture that was far more averse to us and with few safety nets to catch us.
And you learn that sometimes love isn't enough.
Mary Cheney
(Photo via Wikipedia/ Susan Sterner)
No matter how accepted we are by our families, many of us have a relative — mother or father, aunt or uncle, sibling or cousin — who's not fully on board, particularly on things like marriage equality. Sometimes it's just an unspoken tension that everyone politely ignores, sometimes it's an open wound that drives a family apart. Either way, it hurts.
I wanted to make that clear before getting to why I don't feel sorry for Mary Cheney. In fact, I'm skating right up to the edge of schadenfreude.
Now that Mary's big sister, Liz Cheney, has doubled down on opposing marriage equality, Mary and her wife have taken to Facebook and the press to criticize Liz's hypocrisy. The sudden and very public Cheney civil war is rightly taken as an example of how radically the politics of gay rights have changed in the past decade.
For years, the one thing you could cite as an example of Vice President Dick Cheney's humanity behind his puppet-master, torture-approving, warmongering exterior was his support of marriage equality, support that grew out of obvious love for his lesbian daughter and daughter-in-law.
At least until his other daughter decided it's her birthright to be a United States senator, pretended to be from Wyoming, and promptly took the position that her little sister's marriage isn't real. Now that it's about getting a Cheney back into Congress, parents Dick and Lynne have taken Liz's side, lauding her kindnesses to her little lesbian sister even if she is campaigning on a platform that would keep her sister as a lesser person in the eyes of the law.
Power first. Family second. Nothing else at third.
I'm glad that Mary Cheney and her wife, Heather Poe, lashed out publicly. It must hurt to have your sister turn her back on you as part of a carpetbagging campaign quest that can best be described as quixotic. But in 2004, when gay marriage was the electoral wedge Karl Rove and his then-closeted henchman Ken Mehlman pounded into the nation, Mary Cheney kept her mouth firmly shut. Even as that wedge created dozens of constitutional amendments banning any recognition of her own relationship, she said nothing that might interfere with the re-election of her father.
Power first. Family second. Everyone else, in the words of her father, can go fuck themselves.
Ken Mehlman publicly recanted his 2004 anti-gay role and worked to undo the damage he did. Mary Cheney wrote a book about how angry she was to have her personal life targeted during the campaign and then got married in D.C. when those hated Democrats made it possible. She has not been a profile in courage. All of which makes it hard to shed a tear now that she finds herself on the wrong side of her family's knife-fight political style.
Power first. Perhaps Mary Cheney truly understands now that nothing else comes close.
Sean Bugg is the editor emeritus of Metro Weekly. He can be reached at seanbugg@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter at @seanbugg.
...moreAngela Peoples, the current vice president for political and legislative affairs for the Gertrude Stein Democratic Club, the city's main LGBT political organization, won her bid to become president of the club by a margin of 25 votes Monday night, beating back a challenge from longtime Stein member and local transgender activist Jeri Hughes.
Peoples, who ran as part of a five-person slate seeking spots on Stein's executive committee, received 49 votes to Hughes's 24 votes. In the race for vice president of administration, newcomer Diana Bui, a member of Peoples's slate, beat out incumbent Secretary Jimmie Luthuli, who was endorsed by Hughes, by a margin of 40-31.
The three other executive committee races were uncontested, with incumbent Stein Club President Martin Garcia becoming the new vice president for political and legislative affairs, Terrence Laney becoming treasurer, and Bobbi Strang becoming secretary as part of the Peoples slate. Strang, the first openly transgender person to work at the Department of Employment Services, and who previously worked in the Office of Latino Affairs, also earned an endorsement from Hughes for her ''engagement with the diverse populations that comprise the LGBT community, and her passion for full equality.''
In her bid for the presidency, Hughes said she hoped to use the Stein Club as a vehicle to fight LGBT discrimination in the District and reach out to marginalized populations. She said her experience advocating for less powerful LGBT District residents – and in getting things accomplished by applying pressure to stakeholders and various government officials – made her a good choice to lead the Stein Club to make a difference in people's lives.
''I see this club as an instrument of progress, as an instrument of change, promoting equality for this community,'' Hughes said. ''But Stein Club is not just about the people in this room. Let's make that clear: It's about the people on North Capitol Street, it's about the people in Columbia Heights, in Trinidad, and across the river. … I've fed them, I've listened to them. … I've worked in those areas. I know their problems.''
Peoples emphasized her efforts on the executive committee to recruit and engage new members and said she'd like to focus on ''advocacy at the intersections,'' or expanding Stein's fight to issues that affect LGBT people but are not specifically geared toward them, such as wages, unemployment, affordable housing and immigration.
''Leadership is more than just having the experience or having a long résumé,'' Peoples said. ''Leadership is about finding that person who is not a member, or maybe has never heard of the Stein Club, or maybe was part of the Stein Club and has become disengaged, finding that person, finding their skills and bringing them into the fold.''
While the two traded veiled barbs at each other in the course of their statements and responses to audience questions, both kept the tone of the conversation civil, with Hughes even joking at one point: ''My opponent, Miss Peoples, she's young, bright, beautiful and articulate. I probably don't want to beat her as much as I want to be her.''
In the vice presidential race, Bui emphasized her fearlessness to tackle tough issues and her desire to build coalitions with other groups, such as the LGBT Asian-American/Pacific Islander (AAPI) community, while Luthuli took a more technocratic approach, emphasizing her experience in two terms as the secretary for the club and her knowledge of the planning and logistics needed to successfully manage the website and events like Stein's political endorsement forums.
Following her victory in the presidential race, Peoples said she was ''humbled and honored'' to receive the support of the members.
I mean what I say, I want to continue to grow the membership, to strengthen the membership, and find new ways to engage, not just in the elections, but in policy and advocacy, and in reaching out to more and different communities, to show the force of the LGBT community,'' Peoples said. ''It really is growing. I think we're really going to be a powerhouse in 2014, and we're going to have an impact on [next year's] election.''
Hughes also thanked her supporters following the vote.
''I appreciate the support I received,'' Hughes said. ''It was a fair election, and Angela won. I will support the club and I will support her. There are a lot of issues that need attention, a lot of work to do. I'll be seeking assistance from the club to get some things done.''
Courtney Snowden, a seventh-generation D.C. resident and longtime Stein Club member who had become inactive, said she was very excited about the victories of Peoples and Bui, whom she supported.
''I have been involved in the community for a really long time and have had the opportunity to see a lot of leadership be recycled over and over again,'' Snowden said. ''I think it's a new day in Stein. We're going to see fresh, young leadership, with new ideas about how the club should be run in the future.''
Paul Kuntzler, a founding member of the Stein Club, who nominated Hughes, said he expected the final outcome but stressed the importance of the new board reaching out to veteran members of the club, who may feel slighted, or as if they're being disregarded in favor of the priorities of newer members who control the entire executive committee. Peoples and Garcia were part of an insurgent slate last year that unseated then-President Lateefah Williams, who was supported by many ''old guard'' members who felt disenfranchised when the insurgents won narrow victories, propelled chiefly by the votes of new or first-time members personally allied with Peoples and Garcia.
''I was sort of expecting the so-called 'machine' to win. We weren't optimistic,'' Kuntzler said. ''I think that we give a lot of lip service to this issue of transgender, and I think [Jeri's] election would make a big difference, and that's why I supported her. She's a very good spokesperson. … I think leadership should try to make a better effort to bring back the old members. They need to make a better effort to reach out.''
...moreD.C. LGBT clubgoers will have the chance to donate to a cause larger than themselves this Friday, Nov. 22, at Cobalt. Andrei Smith is organizing a fundraiser to benefit the victims of Typhoon Haiyan, which crashed into the Philippines Nov. 8, killing about 4,000 people and leaving millions homeless.
All proceeds from fundraiser, which will be held from 6 to 9 p.m. during the time Cobalt typically holds its happy hour, will be donated to the United Nation's World Food Program, which is providing food assistance and potable water to those affected by the disaster, according to organizer Smith.
Smith, who was born in China and grew up in Taiwan with many Filipinos, says the impact of the storm ''hit close to home.'' Because he felt a connection to the area affected by the typhoon and wanted to do something to help, Smith approached Mark Rutstein, vice president of Cobalt, and asked if the club could play host to the fundraiser.
Smith says he would like to set up an arrangement where some of the donations would go to the American Red Cross, but has not finalized any agreement with the Red Cross, which cannot directly participate in the fundraiser because it involves the sale of alcohol.
Those wishing to donate may do so at the door during the fundraiser. There is no cover fee or suggested amount, Smith says, because he wants people to donate whatever they see fit as opposed to limiting themselves to a minimum contribution amount.
During the event, organizers will raffle off gift cards, spa services and other prizes that have been donated by area businesses. Proceeds from the sale of $1 ''Jell-O shots'' will also go directly to benefit those impacted by the typhoon.
''We're not looking to make a profit off of this event,'' Smith says. ''It all goes to the victims.''
Cobalt is located at 1639 R St. NW. For more information, call 202-232-4416 or visit cobaltdc.com.
...moreThere has been a largely supportive reaction to Nikki Sinclaire's revelations, despite a sensationalistic headline in one U.K. tabloid.
Mike Rosebush has spent more than two decades advocating for the discredited therapeutic practice that aims to turn gay people straight. He's now the head of the cadet counseling program at the U.S. Air Force Academy.
The 150-year anniversary of the Gettysburg address reminds us about the lingering controversy over Lincoln's relationship with Joshua Speed. Artist Skylar Fein weighs in with an amazing re-creation.
New York City’s Mayor-elect Bill de Blasio has a lot of jobs to fill in City Hall before he takes office on next year, and there might just be some star power in the new mayor’s cabinet. According to The Observer: Several interesting names are being floated to head up the Department of Cultural Affairs, […]
The post Will Cynthia Nixon serve under NYC Mayor-elect de Blasio? appeared first on GaySocialites.com.
The rash of f-bombs dropping on live television newscasts continues. Earlier this week, WDIV reporter Lauren Podell appeared lost enroute to a story in Detroit with a guy named Jim. Rather than covering a devastating fire, she reported that she couldn’t “get this f–king in there”. The station quickly apologized for the “technical problem”, explaining […]
The post Incoming… F-Bombs in the News appeared first on GaySocialites.com.
Awards season is in full effect, and now its time to vote in the 4th Annual Get Out Awards! The Get Out Awards are sponsored by Get Out Magazine, a New York City magazine covering gay nightlife. The Get Out Awards recognize “the best places and personalities of LGBT” in New York City. Anyone is […]
The post Vote in the Get Out Awards appeared first on GaySocialites.com.
Bravo’s Head of Development Andy Cohen is evidently stepping down from his position as an exec with the cable network, but that really doesn’t mean he’s going any where. According to the New York Daily News, Cohen is: “leaving his day job as the cable network’s head of development to focus on his nightly show, […]
The post Andy Cohen steps down from position at Bravo but isn’t going anywhere appeared first on GaySocialites.com.
Despite a 1998 constitutional ban on gay marriage, a judge in Hawaii says the state’s new marriage equality law is legal. According to the Associated Press: Hawaii Circuit Court Judge Karl Sakamoto said the 1998 amendment didn’t force the Legislature to define marriage as between a man and a woman. Sakamoto says it doesn’t factor […]
The post Hawaii judge upholds same-sex marriage law appeared first on GaySocialites.com.
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